The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson
In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be “positive” all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.
For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. “F**k positivity,” Mark Manson says. “Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it.” In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.
Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—”not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault.” Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.
There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about the experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives
About the author:
Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he’s been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries.-
Mark Manson is the #1 New York Times Bestselling author of Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, the mega-bestseller that reached #1 in fourteen different countries. Mark’s books have been translated into more than 50 languages and have sold over 12 million copies worldwide.
Mark runs one of the largest personal growth websites in the world, MarkManson.net, a blog with more than two million monthly readers and half a million subscribers. His writing is often described as ‘self-help for people who hate self-help’ — a no-BS brand of life advice and cultural commentary that has struck a chord with people around the globe. His writing has appeared in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, TIME Magazine, Forbes, Vice, CNN, and Vox, among many others. He currently lives in New York City.
Reviews about the ebook The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
- Chance Lee:
I’m not one for self-help books, but The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck spoke to me: “The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
I don’t know how to review The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck book without typing out the whole book, so I’m going to try something different: to be brief. This book provides support for someone who wants to live in reality, someone who doesn’t want to buy into our national capitalist mindset that life is about chasing one high after another. This book encourages you to embrace conflict, to be comfortable feeling uncomfortable, and to be confident in finding out what you truly believe in, then standing up for it. Fuck being likable. Take responsibility for your own life, stop trying to solve other’s problems (a big one for me to work on!), ask questions, and always try to make things better. “Happiness is a struggle.”
My one criticism of this book eventually turned into a positive one. Around Chapter Six, my interest started to wane because Manson provided me with very little I didn’t already know. Plus, he shares his own story about entering his adult life at “rock bottom.” His life’s lowest points: getting caught with marijuana at school, his parents’ divorce, not finding a job immediately after college.
My initial reaction was, are you fucking kidding me? If that’s rock bottom, my life exists in a subterranean cavern. However, Mark Manson’s life is not mine. Everyone’s experiences are subjective. And, in a way, I admire him even more because of our differences. He led an easy life compared to mine, but he recognized his own privileges and entitlements and worked toward fixing them. Then, he took his own personal realizations about life and shared them in this book, which in turn helps me and others.
I rarely read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck book that makes me want to thank the author, but — Thanks for this, Mark.
This book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a game-changer. It makes you think in a way you never have. Must read for people who think they are depressed, ‘something is wrong with me’, ‘why me’ type of questions.. Trust me there is nothing wrong with you.. an eye-opener for me truly. Just order it already !!!
- Clumsy Storyteller:
Masterpiece, incredibly funny. I don’t usually go for self-help ebooks cause to me they are all the same! Smile more, love more, hate less, don’t give up, it’s gonna be okay, it’s all in your head. Blah blah blah…. but this one was the exception. Anything with curse words on the cover picks my interest 😛 The first half of it was my favorite, the aim of this ebook The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is to help the reader to think a little bit more clearly about what they’re choosing to find important in life and what they’re choosing to find unimportant.
I went into this admittedly with quite some skepticism and entitlement— “what is this going to teach me that I don’t already know?”— but The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is truly one of the most ground-shaping nonfiction books I’ve read so far. It will and can change a perspective, a life. And as such, this is the perfect book to give to your loved ones on holidays, birthdays…
It made me rethink all the times I ever gave a fuck over some of the most irrelevant things in hindsight. It made me realize that it’s sometimes necessary to take a step back and re-evaluate why I think so-and-so on a daily basis.
I also wrote down a lot of Mark Manson’s writing into my notes because I knew I would need it in the near future. And I would like to thank him for answering quite a lot of fears of mine with such a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was both personally relevant and entertaining.
Here are a few pieces that helped me and then some:
“The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.”
“Because when you give too many fucks—when you give a fuck about everyone and everything—you will feel that you’re perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the fucking way you want it to be. This is a sickness. And it will eat you alive. You will see every adversity as an injustice, every challenge as a failure, every inconvenience as a personal slight, every disagreement as a betrayal. You will be confined to your own petty, skull-sized hell, burning with entitlement and bluster, running circles around your very own personal Feedback Loop from Hell, in constant motion yet arriving nowhere”
YES! This is exactly how I feel when I give too many fucks about things that have a little lasting impact on my life.
“Life is essentially an endless series of problems, Mark,” the panda told me. He sipped his drink and adjusted the little pink umbrella. “The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one.”
A moment passed, and then I wondered where the fuck the talking panda came from. And while we’re at it, who made these margaritas?
“Don’t hope for a life without problems,” the panda said. “There’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.”
Disappointment Panda was one of the best additions to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck book.
“Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and can bench-press a small house. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.
This is not about willpower or grit. This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain.” This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems.
See: it’s a never-ending upward spiral. And if you think at any point you’re allowed to stop climbing, I’m afraid you’re missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself.”
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck book is slowly but surely shifting my world.
“If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.”
“Honesty is a good value because it’s something you have complete control over, it reflects reality, and it benefits others (even if it’s sometimes unpleasant). Popularity, on the other hand, is a bad value. If that’s your value, and if your metric is being the most popular guy/girl at the dance party, much of what happens will be out of your control: you don’t know who else will be at the event, and you probably won’t know who half those people are. Second, the value/metric isn’t based on reality: you may feel popular or unpopular, when in fact you have no fucking clue what anybody else really thinks about you. (Side Note: As a rule, people who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all the shitty things they think about themselves being reflected back at them.)”
That side note is speaking the truth!!!
“I’m not saying that this excused what my ex did—not at all. But recognizing my mistakes helped me to realize that I perhaps hadn’t been the innocent victim I’d believed myself to be. That I had a role to play in enabling the shitty relationship to continue for as long as it did. After all, people who date each other tend to have similar values. And if I dated someone with shitty values for that long, what did that say about me and my values? I learned the hard way that if the people in your relationships are selfish and doing hurtful things, it’s likely you are too, you just don’t realize it.”
Taking responsibly for your actions, but not blaming yourself was one of the most valuable lessons I got from Mark Manson.
“A lot of people might hear all of this and then say something like, “Okay, but how? I get that my values suck and that I avoid responsibility for all of my problems and that I’m an entitled little shit who thinks the world should revolve around me and every inconvenience I experience—but how do I change?”
And to this, I say, in my best Yoda impersonation: “Do, or do not; there is no ‘how.’ ”
You are already choosing, in every moment of every day, what to give a fuck about, so change is as simple as choosing to give a fuck about something else.
It really is that simple. It’s just not easy.
It’s not easy because you’re going to feel like a loser, a fraud, a dumbass at first. You’re going to be nervous. You’re going to freak out. You may get pissed off at your wife or your friends or your father in the process. These are all side effects of changing your values, of changing the fucks you’re giving. But they are inevitable.
It’s simple but really, really hard.”
“Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right.” Rather, we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. And when we learn something additional, we go from slightly less wrong to slightly less wrong than that, and then to even less wrong than that, and so on. We are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection without actually ever reaching truth or perfection.”
He’s changing my world right now.
“We all have values for ourselves. We protect these values. We try to live up to them and we justify them and maintain them. Even if we don’t mean to, that’s how our brain is wired. As noted before, we’re unfairly biased toward what we already know, what we believe to be certain. If I believe I’m a nice guy, I’ll avoid situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I’m an awesome cook, I’ll seek out opportunities to prove that to myself over and over again. The belief always takes precedence. Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. We cannot change.
In this way, “knowing yourself” or “finding yourself” can be dangerous. It can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary expectations. It can close you off to inner potential and outer opportunities.
I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others.”
I didn’t even realize I felt this way until I saw it so clearly on paper.
“There’s a kind of self-absorption that comes with fear based on an irrational certainty. When you assume that your plane is the one that’s going to crash, or that your project idea is the stupid one everyone is going to laugh at, or that you’re the one everyone is going to choose to mock or ignore, you’re implicitly telling yourself, “I’m the exception; I’m unlike everybody else; I’m different and special.”
This is narcissism, pure, and simple. You feel as though your problems deserve to be treated differently, that your problems have some unique math to them that doesn’t obey the laws of the physical universe.
My recommendation: don’t be special; don’t be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and broad ways. Choose to measure yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Choose to measure yourself not as some horrible victim or dismal failure. Instead, measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator.”
That thing about the plane is 100% me!! So I get it to know: if you think you’re special—decide not to be.
“The desire to avoid rejection at all costs, to avoid confrontation and conflict, the desire to attempt to accept everything equally and to make everything cohere and harmonize, is a deep and subtle form of entitlement. Entitled people, because they feel as though they deserve to feel great all the time, avoid rejecting anything because doing so might make them or someone else feel bad. And because they refuse to reject anything, they live a valueless, pleasure-driven, and self-absorbed life. All they give a fuck about is sustaining the high a little bit longer, to avoid the inevitable failures of their life, to pretend the suffering away.”
“If you make a sacrifice for someone you care about, it needs to be because you want to, not because you feel obligated or because you fear the consequences of not doing so. If your partner is going to make a sacrifice for you, it needs to because he or she genuinely wants to, not because you’ve manipulated the sacrifice through anger or guilt. Acts of love are valid only if they’re performed without conditions or expectations.”
Damn, I wasn’t prepared for The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck to completely change my worldview in such a meaningful way. I will cherish this book for a long time to come.