Winning from Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change
Winning from Within by leadership and negotiation expert Erica Ariel Fox presents a contemporary approach for getting more of what you want, improving relationships, and enjoying life’s deeper rewards.
With principles developed while teaching negotiation at Harvard Law School and coaching executives around the world, Fox provides a map for understanding your inner world and a method for sorting yourself out.
Fox uses insights from Western psychology and Eastern philosophy to resolve the gap between what people know they should say and what they actually do. She explains how to master your “inner negotiators,” whether working with a difficult client, struggling with a stubborn spouse, or developing your highest leadership potential.
With a Foreword by William Ury, coauthor of the classic bestseller Getting to Yes, Winning from Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change is your guide to greatness.
About the author:
Erica Ariel Fox is the author of the New York Times bestseller Winning From Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change. She teaches negotiation at Harvard Law School, where she began teaching in 1996. Erica is recognized internationally-as a thought leader who combines the deeply human aspects of negotiation with the best practices of leadership development. She is an advisor to senior leaders globally with her partners at Mobius Executive Leadership; serves as a Senior Advisor to McKinsey Leadership Development for McKinsey & Company; and also is a LinkedIn Influencer. Mixing nearly two decades of experience with business leaders and a personal touch, Erica brings a unique voice to the conversation about leading wisely and living well.
She lives with her husband and her step-son outside of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, as well as outside of Boston, Massachusetts. Her book has been translated into ten other languages and was a New York Times Bestseller.
Reviews about the ebook Winning from Within:
- Lawrence Ward:
This ebook explained, in a concise way, the manner in which we can create a balanced life. The explanations put a label on the various emotions at work within each of us. A very good read.
The brilliant combination of the business book and self-help genres, Winning from Within shows you how to become the leader you’ve always wanted to be — or need to be — by getting a handle on the most difficult negotiation you’ll have every day: the one with yourself. How many times have you known intellectually what you should say — in a business setting, to a colleague, to a spouse, to a friend — and yet said the wrong thing, or something knee-jerk or something thoughtless? Fox explains why that happens so predictably and how to understand yourself better and win that dialogue before you say the wrong thing out loud. The book is filled with lots of examples from the business and personal spheres, and the advice is practical, to the point, and always useful. Very helpful for anyone who wants to get out of his or her own way.
- Lincoln Admirer:
Some fellow reviewers on Amazon have criticized Winning from Within because it is not a negotiating book. That is true, but not a cause for criticism. Winning from Within is not a book that is particularly directed to how to conduct a contract negotiation, how to buy a house or car, or how to sell your business. If you are looking for such a book, I will tell you a secret – the best-negotiating book I have read is Smart Negotiating: How to Make Good Deals in the Real World, by James C. Freund, a since-retired superstar mergers and acquisitions lawyer at Skadden. Despite Freund’s background negotiating mega-M&A deals, his book is focused on everyday life negotiations and is superbly practical and in my opinion even more insightful than Getting to Yes, the negotiating book by the founders of the Harvard-affiliated Negotiation Project who are/were Erica Ariel Fox’s mentors.Erica Ariel Fox’s Winning from Within, in contrast, is billed accurately as “A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living, and Lasting Change.” The author focuses on self-awareness as a means to regulate one’s behavior to achieve optimal results. The book presents a helpful framework of varying personality traits, motivations, and perspectives which it maps to the types of senior executives of a corporation – the visionary “dreamer” akin to the Chief Executive Officer, the strategic “thinker” akin to the Chief Financial Officer, the get it done “warrior” akin to the Chief Operating Officer and the people person “lover” akin to the Human Resources Head. Each of us, the author asserts, has all four traits within us, although one may be overemphasized to the detriment of others. The author posits that one should balance these traits through self-awareness and self-bargaining. This is achieved through our inner “lookout” which we can train to alert us when we take an unbalanced or misdirected approach, our “captain” which regulates the everyday manifestation of each trait, and our “voyager” which helps us chart our long-term direction in life.
I found Winning from Within to be helpful in causing me to be more thoughtful and introspective in my business and personal lives, including for example in navigating towards a better result rather than trying to force a perceived “correct” resolution against another’s wishes. I also recommend the book for others, especially if you are not self-aware (which ironically is hard to know of course). We are entering an era in which histrionics and unbalanced behavior in business increasingly is no longer acceptable. The partner who routinely yells at all his or her junior associates will, on average, not be as successful as one who is able to control his or her emotions in a productive manner. The negotiator who always aggressive will not be as successful as one who is able to equally bring to bear aggressive and collaborative negotiating demeanors when warranted. The same is increasingly true for interpersonal relationships outside the business world.
- Beth Gardner:
I’m so glad I read this book. It’s helping me immensely, allowing me to see myself and my abilities differently. I’m already incorporating its concepts and making small changes in how I approach situations.
Erica Ariel Fox takes on the concept of the “performance gap” (how so many of us, so often, set a clear, well-thought-out intention to do one thing, and then find ourselves doing almost exactly the opposite) in an inspired offered up from a broader and deeper perspective than the typical business book. Brought to life by anecdotes collected from her own life and all around the world, the concepts here, inspired as much by eastern thought as western thought, can bring new light and expanded awareness to the choices we make every day. And indeed, with that awareness, we are able to become more at the agency in our own lives. Winning does indeed start from within, and Fox does a skillful, entertaining, and inspiring job of calling us forward to wake up and dare to look more thoughtfully and more closely, not out there but IN HERE.
- Martin Lutonsky:
I like the concept of the book. When you are in communication with others there are parts of you that are active and others remain dormant. When you want to be more successful you need to achieve balance in using all parts within you.
The first step is to be aware of them. And later you can start to change.
In the book are examples and great descriptions of real behaviors hidden behind each part.
We all have a CEO, CFO, CHRO, and COO inside ourselves, but which one takes the lead?
This is a great book to take a look inside my mind and create my own toolbox in order to change how I interact with the outer environment.
- Douglas Stone:
This book helped me to see that each competing aspect of myself has its positive side. Feeling conflicted is normal. You have to think through what each aspect of your inner self is trying to accomplish, and then negotiate. I’ve read lots of books in this field. This one is unique and really insightful and helpful.
Many companies face the challenge of transforming to meet the changes occurring in the world and in the business environment. Adaptive leaders not only recognize the changes that need to occur within their companies and organizations, but they also look inside themselves and develop new approaches to their personal leadership and relationships.This book provides a framework for developing insight for the reader into his/her preferred responses and approaches to situations we encounter in personal and professional relationships. And, through the development of insight, especially into situations that may not have gone well, the reader can develop alternative ways to handle situations, by changing his/her responses. Effective leaders work on themselves and are role models to the organization.
I recommend this book as someone who led a major transformational effort within a top global company over the past 5+ years. When leaders gain insights into what drives their behaviors and are motivated and willing to try new approaches, significant transformation occurs for the leader and drives sustainable business improvement.
This book helps to bring to life the steps one can take to shift his/her own behaviors by understanding the underlying mindsets. This sounds simple, yet is very powerful in person and professional development.
- Peter Catalino:
Engaging, and easily applicable – this book provides a fantastic, simple structure for understanding, and working with our own inner negotiations. It is very clearly explained, with plenty of engaging examples from professional and personal contexts. The questions asked by author, Erica Fox leave space for further personal work and reflection. Once explained, the concepts of the Dreamer, Thinker, Lover, and Warrior become evident in all our everyday settings.
I found this book very easy to read, and at the same time extremely insightful. Highly recommend it to anyone interested in their own personal transformation, and looking to become more effective in the workplace.
- Katarina Nolte:
A book about self-management, self-improvement, and increased enjoyment of life. It’s about doing all things better by paying attention to ourselves, our decisions, our words, and our deeds because wisdom comes from within and it is where it must be tended to in order to flourish. This book is ideal for those looking to become more centered, achieve and perceive inner growth and balance, and handle things in a more productive manner.
A visionary book, probably before its time – but one to watch and return to in your development toolkit – both for personal use and mentoring or coaching others to achieve success in a world in dire need of profound ethical transformation. Combining memorable behavioral and cognitive bosses playing out inside our head (our “Inner Negotiators”), with a plethora of everyday anecdotes and case stories, the reader learns how to frame their behavioral choices, performance gaps, and growth opportunities by better engagement of these inner “big Four”. The book turns sharply toward the end, providing one of the most articulate and practical presentations regarding the imperative for the increasingly popular movement towards mindfulness, increasing consciousness and wisdom, and personal transformation. One of Fox’s summary conclusions: “To generate lasting change, you need to work on both the outside and the inside [of yourself]” Looking forward to the next chapters of this timely topic from such an accomplished and articulate author.
Getting To Yes, the landmark book by Roger Fisher and Bill Ury, came as a revelation when I first discovered it long ago. I know few models of human behavior that are as elegant and as useful for enabling people to get more of what they want out of life. Being “soft on the people, hard on the problem,” finding people’s underlying interests…GTY is my operating software for negotiating the challenges of living, big and small, business and personal. I apply it on a daily basis, I’ve taught many others to apply it, and I’m not alone: Getting to Yes is one of the best-selling business books of all time.Erica Fox was a student and protégé of Fisher’s (1922-2012), and she sees her book, Winning From Within, as a next step in the evolution of the GTY approach. She clearly has the chops: She’s developed her model over 20 years of teaching negotiators at the highest levels of government and business.
Winning From Within focuses on the internal negotiation, the aspects of ourselves that, when accessed skillfully, enable us to most effectively accomplish our goals in the world. Fox describes what she calls “inner negotiators”–most notably our capacity to take action, to develop vision and goals, to provide analysis, and to make connections and build relationships–and guides us to recognize, understand and utilize these capacities skillfully and flexibly.
I already find myself using her model to understand and improve my life. When I review the pros and cons of a consulting opportunity, I’m using what she calls my “Thinker.” When I reached out to my neighbors to plan a block party, that was my Lover. When I chip away at the large writing project I’m working on, or stand my ground when a contractor appears to be taking advantage of me, that’s my “Warrior.”
Winning From Within is well written, highly readable, and filled with compelling business and personal stories to illustrate the model. I appreciated that Ms. Fox also shares some of her own challenges. My favorite section, the epilogue, is written with particular open-heartedness and a belief in our ability to do better.
It’s too early for me to tell whether Winning From Within will reach the heights of GTY. But I find myself using it, which says a lot. Erica Fox has created a model that pushes the bar higher and helps us be even more effective as negotiators. Her mentor would be proud.
- Victor Salas:
Erica Ariel Fox make a great job showing us a different approach to know ourselves deeply and find ways to explore and use our internal resources to get better results in our lives.
- Frank Calberg:
Reading the book, I learned about the inspirational dreamer, the analytical thinker, the relational lover, and the practical warrior. Each one of us has all of these in us – in different strengths. They symbolize the universal values in us.The dreamer:
– Page 96: The dreamer continually strives to invent new possibilities, create and improve things. When we are young, we call it playing. In adolescence, we call it daydreaming. As grown-up professionals, we call it, for example, creating. At its core, the impulse is the same. We desire. We experiment. We wonder.
– Pages 108-114: The dreamer’s power source is intuition. The dreamer’s strongest muscle is creativity. The balanced dreamer provides purpose and direction. The dreamer’s inner resources include imagination, passion, and hope. Painting the picture for other people by telling a great story that excites them about getting there is one of the dreamer’s skills. To really inspire one or more persons, stories about vision should touch the emotions of the person who is listening.
– Pages 128-129: Dreamers look at things strategically rather than tactically. What do you dream of doing? In which direction do you want to go?
– Page 144: The thinker’s power source is the reason, and her strongest muscle is clarity. The balanced thinker provides reflection and specializes in the skills you need for conducting analysis. The thinker’s sweet spots enable you to 1) apply facts and logic, 2) consider consequences, and 3) look for all sides. The thinker’s inner resources include prudence, humility, curiosity, and patience.
– Page 150: Some of the best parts of life happen when you let your inner thinker take a rest.
– Page 156: Some high thinkers cross the line from confidence to hubris. They become arrogant.
Page 165: The lover values relationships, connects you with other people. A sign of the inner lover is the drive to care, for example for other people and/or for the environment. As you would imagine from the name, the lover is expressed in many roles that we play in life. Some examples: Friend, parent, coach, mentor, advisor, volunteer, caregiver, teacher, sister, brother, son, daughter. If your lover leads your inner team, you might devote your life to helping other people. The lover’s power source is emotion, and his strongest muscle is compassion. The balanced lover provides connection and specializes in the skills you need for a relationship. The lover’s sweet spot enables you to 1) connect with emotions, 2) collaborate with others, and 3) build and maintain trust. The lover’s inner resources include openness, generosity, empathy, and acceptance.
– Page 200: The warrior is the part of you that acts – gets things done and delivered. The warrior is focused on getting results and is fundamentally about claiming your power. The inner warrior emboldens you to stand up and speak out. Your warrior helps you to set boundaries – what you will do and won’t do – and stick to them. The warrior is also the part of you that steps forward when you need a push to get moving. The warrior’s power source is willpower, and her strongest muscle is courage. The balanced warrior provides protection and specializes in the skills you need for accomplishment. The warrior’s sweet spots enable you to 1) speak hard truths, 2) hold your ground, and 3) take action. The warrior’s inner resources include firmness, resolve, grounding, and accountability.
– Page 215: Warriors in overdrive don’t hold back. They can be dominant can at times appear mean.
– Page 229: The high warrior is often out of balance with the inner dreamer. Activity has taken on a life of its own, divorced from the purpose or mission behind it.